Your mom is driving you insane.
She’s always asking questions about something.
There’s no way to please her. And every time you interact with her, she reveals how unhappy she is with your choices in life.
You’re thinking about cutting the cord There are a few factors that will keep you tied.
There are also those family gatherings that you fear.
What do you do with those who cause you to feel stressed? What if they have a connection? What can anyone do to get out of the shackles of a family member who is causing distress? We asked our panel of mental health professionals to get their advice on how to deal with difficult relatives . . .
Samantha Rodman, PsyD is a psychologist working in Washington, DC. Washington, DC metro area.
David Klow, LICSW is an executive director and psychotherapist of Skylight Counseling Center in Chicago.
Amanda Morgan-Russo PsyD is a psychologist working out of Boston.
Sarabeth Broder Fingert, Ph.D. is a board-certified clinical psychologist that practices in Massachusetts . . .
Question: What do I do if I can’t get over my mother? What about those occasions that you have to be in contact with her, but it’s feasible to avoid them? In particular, will staying in contact with the “unbearable” person affect your mental well-being (for instance, it can make you more likely to suffer from anxiety and depression)?
Needing to get away from Mommy
Samantha: I’d advise you to seek out therapy. If this isn’t an option due to financial constraints I would suggest that you at least join a few help groups (such as forums on the internet). Your mother’s influence is very detrimental to your mental well-being. It is also important to have the viewpoint of someone who is impartial and can assist you in building confidence and tools to cope to deal with these complex relationships effectively. If you don’t, I believe it’s crucial to set limits with your mom on which topics are not allowed and to stick to them regardless of how hard she try to make you feel guilty. They may try to continue to make you feel bad, but her remarks won’t be as damaging to you.
David The author: It’s not easy for me to suggest from a distance the most effective option to do for your relationship with your mom. It appears that this is a choice which only you are able to decide after considering all of the advantages and disadvantages. What I’ll affirm is that having difficult relationships in our lives, whether with a close friend, loved one, or a family member can increase our likelihood of becoming depressed or anxious. The reason for this is that having difficult relationships with people we love can cause us to be stressed out and exhausted emotionally. This can have a negative impact on the mental well-being of our loved ones and raise the risk of anxiety and depression. The word used in describing this phenomenon can be described as “emotional friction”. If your mother’s relationship is producing lots of emotional tension I’d like you to contemplate cutting the cord to lessen your contact with her and reduce the impact her presence has on your mental well-being.
Sarabeth Your question suggests that your mother’s absence of a positive view of you in some way contributes to your general feelings of feeling inadequate. When you set boundaries with her, you have the ability to control the extent to which her influence affects you negatively and will eventually create an inner reservoir of self-esteem inside of you. I believe this is an essential step to learning to value yourself. You may have encountered the term “toxic” before when it concerns your family, but exactly what exactly does it actually mean? It can be a matter of many different forms and parents can be accountable for being responsible for the “poisoning” of their children sometimes. One method to protect yourself against this is making ourselves aware of the signs of poisoning so that we do not fall into old patterns without being aware of the reasons this might be.
— Amanda — Amanda: It’s never easy for anyone who has a loved one who can make your life challenging. How do you deal with someone who’s difficult?